Sunday morning David got released from primary teaching and I got released from primary music. We were asked to teach Gospel Doctrine together. I was completely surprised and it hit me like a ton of bricks-not because we were asked to do gospel doctrine-but because my release from primary was so immediate. I'm a few weeks away from the primary program-the music I've been working on for months now. I feel like I have so much more work to do there. My heart broke right in two while our 1st counselor tried to talk me through the call. I asked to stay till the program, I asked to do both callings, I asked to be permeant sub-he said no. I went to church and almost lost it when I stood, I went to do nursery music and almost lost it watching those sweet kids sing with me. I went home because I couldn't take it. I came back to pick up my family and lost it big time to my primary president and then again to a friend in the hall way. They cried with me. Then I went to Sunday dinner and cried again to Kelli and Mom. No calling has ever been so much fun, brought me such joy, and unified my family so much. So many people tried to tell me how much I will love learning the scriptures-and that is very true. I don't need convincing that teaching the scriptures will be a great learning time for me. My heart is just broken because sweet children singing their testimonies is the BEST thing on this planet-and that's just straight up the truth-no one can argue that. The Savior himself would be found in the primary with the children. Adults are just not as fun to teach. Children are receptive, excited to participate, easy to go along with you and your lesson, funny, and eager. I haven't cried since Sunday, I'm trying to move on from denial and grieving still. But I better hurry because we teach in a week and a half, and Dave is going to need a lot of my help-this is totally out of his ball park. I've decided the only way to move on from this is to be grateful that I even had 3 years of my dream calling in the first place. And-how selfish would it be for me not to share the joy of this calling with someone else?
I've been practicing positive thinking and creating positive emotions for a few months now. I've been doing a lot better. My release triggered a flood. I just have to build myself up again and keep chugging along. I always feel bad for Dave when I have melt downs. But I need to remember that it's OK to cry every once in a while! I cry more than the average woman-but that's ok! Embrace my imperfections. But after the crying, I need to do better and getting on with it! I'm thinking this stuff is going to take me a lifetime-but I guess that's why God gives us a lifetime right?
Tonight David gave the kids back to school blessings. I decided to hop up there for one as well. I'm very grateful for a man who honors the priesthood and brings that to our home, our three kids, and probably the most often to me. I haven't seen Dave cry since our wedding, but tonight he did giving me a blessing. He knows how hard NP school is going to be on himself and on me. But his blessing gave re assuring words that I have the strength to keep this family going and together. He has great responsibilities to this family, and I equally have great responsibilities too. We can do this together. I'm grateful for to have a partner like him. The other day I read an Ensign article to young single adults. It encouraged them to seek a spouse that is similar to them, and that opposites attract but makes for a harder marriage. David and I have opposite personalities!!! And yes, we have had our hard times getting along. But at the same time I have been so grateful that he is different from me! It brings balance to our home. We have the important things in common right? The past 6 months have been rough-he's literally been working 80 hours a week. He says he was fine during it-but he was stressed and grumpy. We hardly had time to talk. I had a emotional break down and was grumpy too. Somehow-AGAIN-we survived it-and it stunk! I just hope these next three years won't be nearly as rough. I feel positive. At least we will be together teaching Gospel Doctrine,that will force us to communicate more at least on Sunday? ay ay ay!! Well, at least we have the priesthood with us this coming year and always-thanks be to God for always watching out for our little family. Off and away....
Sept. 16th
Holly is a rock start on the bike! The first couple weeks of school we took her training wheels off and she picked it right up!!!! Faster than William or Allison did! Last year there ws bike drama everyday! Someones bike was always broken or someone was always crashing. So far we've had a crash or two, and some flat tires but the kids are finally getting used to riding everyday and the amount of tears in route has drastically decreased. Someday I might let them ride by themselves (still waiting for the girls to check for traffic before crossing, they've had a few close calls even with me!)
So far this years has been great. They have WONDERFUL teachers-oh how I appreciate that. The PTO has been a complete dissaster since it fell apart last year. I've emphatically said I can't be president, so am trying to just sit back and be ok with it being a mess. I know I have the ability to take charge and organize it all, but some of the things PTO traditionally does I'm not passionate about. And I really can't handle another thing like that, the emails, meetings, and constant events to organize. Can't do it-I don't even have a lot of time to do the things that I want to do-so no.
Broadways Kids started and it's actually been good to be back in the studio. The first week of tap-I over heated-literally thought I was gonna pass out. So I've decided to wear workout clothes. I've been thinking a lot about taking off my garments to work out. It is so hot here! I constantly see other mormons in work out clothes-everywhere! I've decided that if I know I'm gonna be super sweaty-it ok. But it's not ok to run errands and do otherthings with out getting dressed and putting my garments back on as quick as I can. I see a lot of people out and about all day long with out garments. I'm just hoping I don't get comfortable in my work out gear and get casual about it.
I keep trying to make it to the temple but it's been sooooo hard! It seems like if I do take a day off work it's because I have other committments I'm taking off for. Since the Mesa Temple has been under construction, the thought of driving the extra time to Gilber turns me off too. David and I never go to the temple. He's hard to pin down in the first place and prefers to do others things when we have time alone. And now that he started school, it's going to be even harded. WHY IS IT SO HARD! We've been letting William watch the girls at home, it's been super nice. But Allison has a major meltdown every time we do-she's making my love life really hard! I tried to explain it to her, that Daddy and I have to keep our love alive-but for some reason she has anxiety about it. She reminds me of myself so much when I was little. Temple trips probably aren't gonna happen though because they can't call us when we are out, and oh they need to call us. Allie about every 15 minutes needs to ask us when we are coming home. William will be almost 12 when the Mesa Temple opens up again, that will be perfect timing! Maybe by that time I can take Will to the temple as my date and the girls will be old enough to stay home?
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